1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.
3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
6. Its best for employers that I not work with people.
7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
10. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
11. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.
13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.
16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
21. Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.
22. Marital status: often. Children: various.
23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.
24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.
26. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
23 November 2014
Actual Resume' Bloopers
These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:
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13 comments:
I think we've hired several of those people here where I work.
I hear you. I've fired several of those people myself.
Sounds like they were management at several companies I've worked for!
drjim - there's that. :)
#9 is the winner!
Chickenmom - it's a classic, indeed. :)
HAHAHAHA!
gfa
Glad you liked it, Guffaw.
Alrighty then...
:)
I don't care if these are fictions.
They're so funny I could forgive the fabrication :)
Cathy, I don't think they're fabricated: I've personally seen several similar comments on resumes.
" I've personally seen several similar comments on resumes." Now THAT is scary.
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