31 December 2014

Random Thoughts as I Grow Older

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!

I don't trip over things; I do random gravity checks!

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off!

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought nap time was a punishment ... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights". It seems I'm becoming very wise.

My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance for idiots that needs work.

Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".

I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do the second week.

When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"?

Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself: sometimes I need expert advice.

Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree ... that makes it a plant, which means ... chocolate is salad!
h/t Dana


Guffaw in AZ said...

Happy New Year, my friend!

I was going to join Paranoids Anonymous, but they wouldn't tell me where they were meeting!


Rob said...

Bravo sir, bravo

Cathy said...

Yep. And I have a serving of 'salad' at least twice a day :)

Rev. Paul said...

Guffaw - just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. I tried to join the Procrastinators Club, but the meeting got cancelled.

Rob - I'd say "thank you", but my buddy Dana deserves the credit. :)

Cathy - that produced a big smile. Thanks!

Old NFO said...

Heh... good ones!

Rev. Paul said...

Thanks, NFO. It takes awhile to find a list you haven't already published. :)

PioneerPreppy said...

Those were good right from the start and stayed good.

BTW your site was showing an unknown server error all last night when I tried stopping by again.

Rev. Paul said...

Thanks, Preppy.

Random server errors: "Free service, and worth every penny!"