06 April 2015

Roman Candles and Ornery Moose

There's a classic story about wildlife management officers and moose in Anchorage, in today's paper. "Oh, really?" you might ask.

What, you're not convinced? Then try this excerpt:
I should have sworn off Roman candles after the state troopers set that moose on fire.
... It started when Alaska State Troopers Peter Mlynarik and Sven Skille responded to a complaint of a moose acting like it owned a backyard off Dimond Boulevard.

The two troopers had unsuccessfully attempted to squeeze the moose into a nearby greenbelt by yelling and bluff-charging it. That didn’t work, so it was time to unholster the big guns.
... One of the great balls of fire launched by the troopers in 1998 buried itself in the long guard hairs of the moose’s shoulder, setting the hairs afire. Fortunately, the moose appeared to be unscathed. According to a witness, Caren Hoeft, “The moose put out his own fire by shaking real hard a couple of times.”
I inherited the idea of hazing moose with Roman candles from my predecessor. It was clearly a better option than either shooting the moose or pressing close enough to get myself stomped. However, I soon realized the downside.

Srsly, you need to read the whole story.

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