23 November 2015

The Internet Guide to Pregnancy

Found on the Book of Face:

Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children are enough.

Q. I'm two months pregnant now; when will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after she finishes college.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's gender?
A. Childbirth.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and sometimes so moody that she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?

Q. My childbirth coach says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper quickly enough.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.


PioneerPreppy said...

When will our baby begin sleeping the entire night?

When your grandchildren arrive.

Rev. Paul said...

Great addition - thanks.

Old NFO said...

Oh so @#$%^ true!!! :-)

Rev. Paul said...

I know, NFO. Rather, experience has taught us. :)

Chickenmom said...

LOL - too funny, and true! :o)

Rev. Paul said...

Chickenmom, exactly. My wife read the list last night & nearly fell off the couch, laughing.