01 April 2011

The Hormone Guide

Women will understand this, and men should memorize it.

Every woman knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be carried like a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other.


DANGEROUS

SAFER

SAFEST

ULTRA  SAFE

What's for
dinner?

Can I help you
with dinner?

Where would you like
to go for dinner?

Here, have some wine.

Are you
wearing that?

You sure
look good in brown!

WOW! Look at you!

Here, have some wine

What are you so worked up about?

Could we be
overreacting?

Here's my paycheck.

Here, have some wine.

Should you be
eating that?

You know, there are
a lot of apples left.

Can I get you a piece
of chocolate with that?

Here, have some wine.

What did you
DO all day?

I hope you didn't
over-do it today.

I've always loved you
in that robe!

Here, have some wine.



13 Things PMS Stands For:

 1.  Pass My Shotgun

2.  Psychotic Mood Shift

3.  Perpetual Munching Spree


4.  Puffy Mid-Section

5.  People Make me Sick

6.  Provide Me Sweets

7.  Pardon My Sobbing

8.  Pimples May Surface

9.  Pass My Sweatpants

10.  Pissy Mood Syndrome

11.  Plainly, Men Suck

12.  Pack My Stuff


and  my favorite
one:

13.  
Potential Murder Suspect

Forward this information to all of your friends and those who might need a good laugh ... and men who need a  warning.
 
Then have some wine.  


h/t Dana

6 comments:

threecollie said...

Chocolate works too

Guffaw in AZ said...

Great Stuff!
Thanks!

(of course I've no idea to what any of this refers...)

On a Wing and a Whim said...

Calmer Half is, I think, not enjoying learning about this aspect of the difference between counseling marriages and actually being in one.

But he might finally be understanding why our favorite photographer stocks LOTS of chocolate. And some wine. And beer. And chocolate. And here, he says to me, have some chocolate, and may I get a cup of tea for you?

Ami said...

It's called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Tam said...

But... but... "Do You Want To Be Shot In The Kneecap?" acronymizes to "DYWTBSITK"!

Spikessib said...

You are aware that the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist is that you can negotiate with a terrorist, aren't you?