Buggy Whips, Updated

Any day now:

Representative Daniel "Bubba" Skelley of East Toadsuck, Arkansas proposed today that the U.S. Postal Service "must recognize the changing times, and stay modern in a competitive age."

Congressman Skelley said that the USPS will "regain its competitive footing" by issuing government e-mail addresses to anyone who wants one, in a move aimed at those who either don't have or don't want a computer. "It's the only fair way to do this," he said. "How can we ignore the plight of the poor and disadvantaged, who don't have a computer of their own?"

"For the low rate of only $25.75 per month, the U.S. Postal Service will receive e-mails, including official correspondence, scanned documents, and tax forms, and provide home delivery of that paperwork to anyone who wants it, twice weekly. This unprecedented service will put the United States Postal Service back in its rightful place at the top of the technological hill," said the Congressman.

He pooh-poohed naysayers who pointed out that e-mail accounts are free, and the same service is available for a fraction of the cost by simply going to many local businesses or local libraries. "Who would pass up the chance to have the efficiency of the United States Postal Service behind the regular, timely delivery of important documents?" he asked.

It is unclear how many potential customers there are for such a service, critics point out, but Representative Skelley says that the service will be backed by "the full faith and credit of the United States government. Who could pass up such a deal?"

Who, indeed.