Guest Post: A Time to Heal

I borrowed this from my cousin Lana, with her permission.

It’s funny how I can mark important times in my life with the planting of annual flowers. I’ve always enjoyed the coming of spring after a long winter and the planting of my annual flowers was done as soon as the threat of frost passed and signified the promise of longer and warmer days and sunshine. Nothing makes my heart happier than enjoying pretty flowers with the bees and butterflies. The year that I lost Bill, and lost myself, my mom came over to facilitate the planting of the annual flowers. I didn’t want to plant flowers. I didn’t want to eat, or go to work, or take a shower, or breathe, or look toward tomorrow. Mom knew. And so we planted annual flowers and we reminisced and even laughed and then we ate. Then I slept, I breathed, and went to work. I allowed myself to enjoy the flowers and the bees and butterflies.

Then I lost my mom. Again, I found myself in a sad and lonely place, not feeling whole. Then my sister Lorri facilitated the planting of the annual flowers. We reminisced, we laughed, we ate. We watched the bees and butterflies enjoying the flowers and allowed ourselves to enjoy the flowers, too. We slept, we breathed, we went to work, we continued living.

Since then, I’ve planted annual flowers every year. Sometimes alone, and sometimes I’ve had the honor to plant flowers with special people. Lorri comes when she can and one year Reannon was with me. One year Shannon and Lillilakota were with me. Some years Angie and I share seeds and bulbs and dreams of our gardens. This year, today, holds another precious memory for me. Today, my Grandma Clow was laid to rest. She was the mother of my step-mom, Joni, and the grandmother of my step-sister Melanie and step-brother Mike. Grandma Clow was not a “step” to me. She loved me as her own, I loved her as my own, and she was a wonderful role model and important part of my upbringing. Joni, Melanie, and Mike have never been “steps”. They are family and, although we don’t see each other regularly, we picked up right where we left off. I love them with all of my heart. Seeing these beautiful people today brought to surface so many memories. Of our youth, before we lost so many treasured people. But it's also a happy time because we’ve gained spouses, kids, and grandkids. The meaning of bittersweet.

So today, after the funeral, I planted annual flowers. I wasn’t alone. Grandma Clow, Joni, Melanie, and Mike were with me in my heart, along with all those who made me plant flowers in the past and gave me the gift of healing.