Old Guy Humor

1.  My family tells me they want another cat for Christmas. Most people want a turkey, but hey, whatever makes them happy.

2.  I always read my wife's horoscope to see what kind of day I'm going to have.

3.  My wife asks me to remind of her of stuff. That way, if she forgets something, it's my fault.

4.  Q: How do you milk sheep?  A: Introduce a new iPhone and charge $1,000 for it.

5.  A guy just went into the auto parts store, looking for a longer dipstick. It seems his doesn't reach the oil anymore.

6.  I saw a sign at the store yesterday:  "Remember what the guy who parked your car looks like. We don't have valet parking."

7.  Not to brag, but I went into another room and actually remembered why I went in there. It was the bathroom, but still...