Deep Thinking

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then - just to loosen up and be a part of the crowd. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another and soon I was more than just a  social thinker. I began to  think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.  Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home.  One evening I turned off the TV  and asked my wife about the meaning of life.  She spent that  night at her mother's.


I began to  think on the job.  I knew that thinking and employment don't mix,  but I couldn't help myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius,   Camus and Kafka.  I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly that we are doing here?"


One day the  boss called me in.  He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem.  If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a  lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking ..."


"I know you've  been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"  "But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, her lower lip a-quiver. "You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any  money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"


"That's a  fallacious syllogism," I said impatiently.


She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to  the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some John Locke.  I roared into the  parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass  doors.


They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I  believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.


Leaning on the unfeeling glass and whimpering for Emerson, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

You probably recognize that line.  It comes from the standard Thinkers  Anonymous poster.
This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.


I never miss a TA meeting.  At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.


I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.  Life just seemed  easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.  I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

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Today I took  the final step: I joined the Democratic Party.