These are real questions we've been asked by tourists. The answers are what we were tempted to say, but didn't.
Q. Will we see polar bears?
A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q. Do you know my cousin Bob in Fairbanks?
A. Sure. Everyone in Alaska knows everyone else.
Q. I didn't expect you to have sidewalks!
A. Yep. We have paved streets, telephones, and everything.
Q. Do you take American money?
A. How do you think we got the sidewalks and paved streets?
Q. Do you speak English?
A. Impeccably. Do you?
Q. What kind of clothes do you wear in the winter?
A. The warm kind.
Q. What do you do about those long, dark nights?
A. Turn on the lights.
Q. We saw that lovely little town of Nightmute in the movie "Insomnia." How long does it take to drive there?
A. You can't drive to Nightmute; access is by airplane only. Besides, the town in the movie was really in British Columbia.
Q. But they said it was in Alaska!
A. I'm sure Al Pacino is very sorry.
Q. How can we see the northern lights?
A. Be here in the winter-time, and remember to look up.
Q. Do I need an international voltage converter?
A. I don't know; which country are you headed for?
Q. Which way is north in Alaska?
A. Same way as everywhere else.
Q. We want to drive over to Juneau.
A. It's 600 miles by sea.
Q. Well, how long will it take?
A. Did your parents have any children that lived?
Q. Where do you get all this wonderful daylight?
A. Sunlight 'R' Us; ask for the bulk rate. And tell them Nanook sent you.
URGENT CALL TO REPENTANCE: All the ends of the world shall remember and turn to the Lord. And all the kindreds of the nations shall worship before Thee. For the Kingdom is the Lord’s and He rules among the nations. (Psalm 22:27-28)
9 comments:
Makes you just want to hand out "Stupid" signs, huh?
Were these real questions from the MSM when they came up there to investigate Gov. Palin?
Some people are pretty dense. I know I've said a few dumb things over the years, but they always seem to make someone laugh, so it's worth it!!
Oh I forgot. Your banner of the skyline of Anchorage with the purple sky is out of this world beautiful! When I was in Anchorage in Nov.2002 I stayed on the 12 floor of the hotel and had that simply breath taking view of the mountains. It made me want to cry. (There is a story here too, but I'll save it for another time.)
Was it at the Hotel Captain Cook? My wife worked there for five years, but you were there before she started.
I look forward to your story, when/if you're willing to share.
Oh nothing so extravagant as the Captain Cook. It was the Inlet Towers, but I was very pleased with their excellent service and how good they were to me. Okay, here's the story.
When I quit at Alaska Air they gave me an open pass good for the month after my last day. Good for ONE round trip - one for me & one for my husband (both NON-Transferable).Anyway, 2 days after my last day Pat had a business trip in Boston,and I went along for fun. That cut into the Alaska trip by 1 1/2 weeks. Now the farewell passes were for standby, so you know we had only certain times that we could get on an aircraft. Long story short, when we were able to get on a flt. Patrick's work would not allow him to have the time off. I was SO mad.He was with the Co. for 30years at that point & they couldn't allow him to have the time off for this special trip?! Well,since it was non transferable I couldn't even take a buddy with me, so I went by myself. I was kind of upset with Pat that he didn't stand up to his boss, but he's not the confrontational type(usually)so off I flew. I had NO idea where I was gonna stay, or for how long! Just flew there with about a weeks worth of clothes & a credit card. It was an adventure. When I got to the Anchorage arpt. I went to the hotel wall and just stood & looked at the pictures.A woman who had a B&B in one of the villages recommended Inlet Towers,so I picked up a courtesy phone &
called them & they sent a driver. The kid who drove the van was so nice.When he found out it was my first time in Alaska he told me to wait at the door while he parked the van,so he could check me in. Well, he gave me a MUCH better rate than what I was quoted on the phone, plus he gave me breakfast coupons for 5 days! I love a deal, so was ecstatic! I turned the heat off in my bedroom and opened the windows most nights I was there. (hot flashes,don't ch'ya know) I went on the glacier boat ride and went on a bus tour. Walked around downtown and visited the museum
and shopped like crazy! Ate king crab in the Inlet Restr. ALL by myself. I had a good time, but it would have been a zillion times better with Patrick. I only stayed 5 days, but sure want to go back again...next time with the hubby! The fact that we basically threw away $450 in airfare really got my goat,so I sent Pat a postcard (to his work) mentioning that the Co. had made us loose so much $$. Funny thing, his work gave him a "bonus" of $400 within a month of my trip. hmmmm...guilty Co?? That is the long drawn out story. Now, I'm going to sleep. It's almost 130am. G'night!
Did I say "long story short"?? hahahaha
Cassie, thanks for that. While your short story may be long-ish, I'm always glad when someone has a pleasant experience in my home town. If/when you & Patrick come back this way, be sure & drop me an e-mail (shown on my profile). My wife & I would love to show you some of the sights!
Paul
Cool! Will do...it's always fun to see places that the locals know about. Thanks. Maybe some day we'll get over there.
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