Dutch Harbor/Unalaska Struggles With ... Tourism?

Smaller cruise ships have begun stopping at Dutch Harbor, 800 miles southwest of Anchorage in the Aleutian Islands.

Really?

Okay, then. The town struggles with how to accommodate tourists where they've never had any before.

Alaska Tourist Follies

Since tourist season will soon be upon us, here are some real questions my wife and I have personally been asked by tourists. Except where noted, the answers are what we wanted to say, but didn't.

Q. Will we see polar bears in Anchorage?
A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q. Do you know my cousin Bob in Fairbanks?
A. Sure. Everyone in Alaska knows everyone else.

Q. I didn't expect you to have sidewalks!
A. Yep. We have paved streets, telephones, and running water, too.

Q. Do you take American money?
A. How do you think we got the sidewalks and paved streets?

Q. Do you speak English?
A. Impeccably. Do you?

Q. What kind of clothes do you wear in the winter?
A. The warm kind.

Q. What do you do about those long, dark nights?
A. Turn on the lights.

Q. We saw that lovely little town of Nightmute in the movie "Insomnia." How long does it take to drive there?
A. (My real answer) You can't drive to Nightmute; access is by airplane only. Besides, the town in the movie is really in British Columbia.

Q. But they said it was Alaska!
A. I'm sure Al Pacino is very sorry.

Q. How can we see the northern lights?
A. Be here in the winter-time, and remember to look up.

Q. Do I need an international voltage converter?
A. I don't know; which country are you headed for?

Q. Which way is north in Alaska?
A. Same way as everywhere else.

Q. We want to drive over to Juneau.
A. (Real answer) It's 650 miles from here, and only accessible by air or sea. 

Q. But how long would it take to get there, if we want to drive?
A. Did your parents have any children that lived?

Q. Where do you get all this wonderful daylight?
A. Sunlight 'R' Us; ask for the bulk rate. And tell them Nanook sent you.

It's All True

About That Trip To Homer

Okay, so I thought of something to write about, after all:


One of the places we visited for dinner, last weekend, was highly placed on tripadvisor.com's list of restaurants.

We made a reservation and arrived on time. We were seated promptly, and just as promptly, a waitress (or server, if you prefer) appeared at our table to take drink orders. But when she discovered that all we wanted was iced tea and a good dinner - and not drinks and appetizers - her enthusiasm faded like the sun passing behind clouds.

She came to the table only once more, to bring the dinners we ordered. After that, we saw her waiting on others, but not us. A different server asked if we wanted dessert (we didn't), and brought the check.

I'm not going to mention the establishment's name, for reasons you can probably surmise, but it wonders me* why a person whose income is at least partially based on tips would decide some customers are less important than others.

My semi-educated guess is that she gets a higher commission on drinks than food, but still ...

Oh, well. We won't be seeing that place again, so it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.


* Just something that my mom says to be humorous, from time to time.

Clyde's Final Selfie

From Tundra Comics:

Crowded

The State Division of Economic Development says Alaska received 1.96 million visitors for the 12-month period ending April 30th.

The Division went on to say it's due to new cruise ships coming here, along with new air routes, and a program designed to lure winter-time visitors.

That's a new record, in this state of roughly 800,000 residents.


That reminds me of the old bumper stickers we used to see here:

Heh.

To soften the blow, here are a few others:

Only in the winter. I promise. :)

Gird Your Loins, Alaskans

Tourist season is almost upon us.

Tundra Comics can be found here.

It's that "back-of-the-RV view" that Alaskans know so well...

Top 10 Oddest Questions Posed to Alaskans

I weep for the state of what-passes-for-education in our country.

10. What time do you turn on the northern lights?

9. How do you keep the animals inside Denali National Park?

8. Are all your vegetables frozen?

 

7. You can drive to Alaska? I thought it was an island*.

6. If Alaska and Hawaii are so close*, why do they have such different climates?

5. What kind of currency do you use and what’s the exchange rate?

4. Can I see your green card?

3. How do you know what time it is when it’s always dark?

2. Do you have to use snowshoes or a dog team to go everywhere?

And the No. 1 question Alaskans get is “does everyone still live in igloos?”

Bonus points go to the few who know that yes, you can actually see Russia from Alaska.

* Two forms of the same question from the low-information folks who see Alaska on on weather maps, and thinks that Alaska and Hawaii both islands, somewhere in the Gulf of Baja.

Weekend Randomosity

Yesterday was mostly sunny, although it didn't get terribly warm (65), and we took full advantage of it. Outdoors is a great place to be in Alaska, anyway.

We drove, shopped, and generally enjoyed the atmosphere. The summer solstice season is the most heavily attended by tourists, so locals know to avoid certain parts of town. Yesterday's Summer Solstice Festival downtown was packed curb to curb with so many people that those in the back couldn't even see what was happening on the street in front of them. Live music, local celebrities, special events, etc., along 4th Avenue from C to L Streets, and most of the cross-streets along that route.

We don't go near the place.

Don't misunderstand; my wife & I both worked downtown for years, in tourism - and we've been there/done that. Now we stay away, because 98% of what goes on is for the tourists. Let them have the space, and see the shows; we already know that "here" is a wonderful place. :)

* * * * *

The high cost of gas has certainly done one thing to tourist season, though: up until a few years ago, the highway was clogged with motorhomes, RVs, and buses. Not so much, anymore. That's kind of sad.

Not that I enjoyed being sandwiched on the roads by slab-sided conveyances, nor having the view blocked. It's just the loss of freedom that the lack thereof represents.

It hasn't stopped them altogether, of course; on Friday, I followed a 34' Winnie with a Smart ForTwo on a screened-in flatbed trailer behind it. Made me smile.

* * * * *

Today, my wife's company has its annual picnic lunch buffet at the Anchorage Zoo. Go ahead and make your own jokes; we've gone through all we could think of, already.

Have a great day, friends.

More Alaskan Tourist Follies

These are real questions my wife and I have personally been asked by tourists. Except where noted, the answers are what we wanted to say, but didn't.

Q. Will we see polar bears in Anchorage?
A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q. Do you know my cousin Bob in Fairbanks?
A. Sure. Everyone in Alaska knows everyone else.

Q. I didn't expect you to have sidewalks!
A. Yep. We have paved streets, telephones, and everything.

Q. Do you take American money?
A. How do you think we got the sidewalks and paved streets?

Q. Do you speak English?
A. Impeccably. Do you?

Q. What kind of clothes do you wear in the winter?
A. The warm kind.

Q. What do you do about those long, dark nights?
A. Turn on the lights.

Q. We saw that lovely little town of Nightmute in the movie "Insomnia." How long does it take to drive there?
A. (My real answer) You can't drive to Nightmute; access is by airplane only. Besides, the town in the movie was really in British Columbia.

Q. But they said it was Alaska!
A. I'm sure Al Pacino is very sorry.

Q. How can we see the northern lights?
A. Be here in the winter-time, and remember to look up.

Q. Do I need an international voltage converter?
A. I don't know; which country are you headed for?

Q. Which way is north in Alaska?
A. Same way as everywhere else.

Q. We want to drive over to Juneau.
A. (Real answer) It's 650 miles from here, and only accessible by air or sea.
Q. But how long would it take to drive?
A. Did your parents have any children that lived?

Q. Where do you get all this wonderful daylight?
A. Sunlight 'R' Us; ask for the bulk rate. And tell them Nanook sent you.

Stupid Tourist Tricks

This story from a local tour bus driver, who swears it's true:

(The driver, narrating the drive from Whittier, AK, to Anchorage, AK.)

Driver: “The body of water on the left is called Turnagain Arm.  It connects to the ocean, and sometimes we get to see Beluga Whales out there, so keep your eyes open!  On the right are the Chugach Mountains."

Passenger: “Driver, can you tell us which side the whales will be on?”

My head hurts now...

Re-post: Silly Tourist Questions

These are real questions we've been asked by tourists. The answers are what we were tempted to say, but didn't. Okay, sometimes we did. :)


Q. Will we see polar bears?
A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q. Do you know my cousin Bob in Fairbanks?
A. Sure. Everyone in Alaska knows everyone else.


Q. Do you know Sarah Palin? OR
Have you met Sarah Palin? OR
Do you know where Sarah Palin lives?
A. Of course, doesn't/hasn't everyone?


Q. I didn't expect you to have sidewalks.
A. We have paved streets and indoor plumbing, too. Mostly.


Q. Do you take American money?
A. How do you think we got the sidewalks and paved streets?


Q. Do you speak English?
A. Impeccably. Do you?


Q. What kind of clothes do you wear in the winter?
A. The warm kind.


Q. What do you do about those long, dark nights?
A. Turn on the lights.


Q. We saw that lovely little town of Nightmute in the movie "Insomnia." How long does it take to drive there?
A. You can't drive to Nightmute; access is by airplane only. Besides, the town in the movie was really in British Columbia.
Q. But they said it was Alaska!
A. I'm sure Al Pacino is very sorry.


Q. How can we see the northern lights?
A. Be here in the winter, and remember to look up.


Q. Do I need an international voltage converter?
A. That depends - which country are you headed for?


Q. Which way is north in Alaska?
A. Same way as everywhere else.


Q. We want to drive from Anchorage to Juneau.
A. It's over 600 miles away, by sea.
Q. But how long would it take to drive there?
A. Did your parents have any children that lived?


Q. Where do you get all this wonderful daylight?
A. Sunlight 'R' Us; ask for the bulk rate. And tell them Nanook sent you.

What Part of "Wild" Didn't She Understand?

From the Daily News:

A moose kicked a woman in Town Square Park Monday afternoon after she got too close to the animal and reportedly tried to pet it, according to Anchorage police.

* * * * *

The moose kicked the unidentified woman several times -- including in the chest and shoulder -- but she was not injured badly enough to go to the hospital, according to police spokeswoman Anita Shell.

* * * * *

Witnesses told police that the moose kicked the woman, in her 20s, after she tried to pet it as it walked by, Shell said.

Every piece of literature, every tourist brochure, every city map, every guidebook ... they ALL say moose are wild animals. An adult moose can weigh up to 1,400 pounds and stand 7 feet tall. They have pointy hooves (read sharp objects), and kick with front AND back feet. And did I mention antlers that can be more than four feet wide?

I'm sorry she got hurt, but apparently this lady tried to play "How dumb can you get and still breathe?" but lost.

The sad part is, no one ever learns. The next moose appearance will be accompanied by a rush of people - mostly tourists, I'm sad to say - and the sound of dozens of cell phones snapping photos.

(Read more at the link.)

Friday Potpourri

It's the end of another week, and as the winter winds down, the usual suspects and relatives are lining up to come visit us this summer.

One of the mixed blessings (don't take that the wrong way, Mom!) of living in a tourist destination like Alaska is that everyone with whom you've maintained a decent relationship decides - when Alaska beckons - that your house is their new dream vacation spot. I can't say as I blame them, since getting here is rather spendy. Accommodations can be expensive, too, if one doesn't do some comparison shopping. Deals are available, but you must search them out - or ask a local.

So summer is coming, and so are the guests. But it's okay; we didn't have any visitors at all, last year, and didn't vacation, as my wife & I both started new jobs.

It's going to be a busy summer, but I'm looking forward to it.

* * * * *
Life-in-Alaska Dept:

The Seward Highway reopened to traffic in both directions about 6:35 p.m. Thursday, according to the Department of Transportation, after an avalanche between Girdwood and Portage closed the road for more than seven hours.

Transportation Department spokesman Roger Wetherell says the 400-foot avalanche fell between mile markers 85.5 and 86 on the Seward Highway, choking off access from the Kenai to Anchorage

* * * * *
Life-in-Alaska Dept, part 2:

A 23-year-old Anchorage man operating a Hydro-Ax tree-clearing machine died Wednesday after the machine fell through ice while it was clearing foliage near power lines north of Houston, Mat-Su Emergency Service personnel said.

~ snip ~

Bill Gamble, an area fire chief at the staging area, said two equipment operators were working at the site when both machines fell through the ice in a known swampy area. One fell in a shallow spot and the operator got free. The second machine fell in deeper water and all but about six inches of the cab was submerged, Gamble said.

The operator ... was stuck inside, unable to open the door, Alaska State Troopers said.

* * * * *
Alaskan Frontier Justice:

Two armed citizens have captured a young Anchor Point couple suspected in more than a dozen cabin burglaries in the area since December. It was "a scene more like the Old West than the Last Frontier," the [Homer] News reports. After catching the couple, the men handcuffed them with zip ties and called troopers, who say they recovered stolen property and charged them with felony burglaries. Chaunce Hoxie, 20, also was charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor; the female charged with him was a 15-year-old runaway.

* * * * *

And finally, just for fun:

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
-Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp.

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
-Lykes Lines Shipping

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
-Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company

And you thought your job is confusing!

h/t MoBro for the company memos & Sandi-with-an-i for the cartoon

Wacky Visitors

Some time ago, I published a column of actual questions that my wife & I had been asked by tourists in Anchorage.

Dave Kiffer, a freelance writer in Ketchikan, published his list of all comments weird and wonderful from 2009.

Here are some choice excerpts:

First off, I had a hiking enthusiast contact me about going up the Deer Mountain trail. He was particularly concerned about how long it would take.

"What time does the mountain close?" he asked.

Another time there was a new explanation for salmon behavior at the mouth of Ketchikan creek.

"The water is shallower there and warmer," a woman was heard explaining to her friend. "That's why they jump so much. They're trying to cool off."

Naturally, a different visitor asked someone at the KVB "what time do the salmon go up the creek?"

And, of course, there were the usual questions about the times of the "whale shows" in the harbor.

Folks just hate to miss those wildlife shows!

~ snip ~

Overall, there were quite a few questions about the former Governor. During one discussion, someone said they would have been happy to vote 100 times for Sarah Palin to which a European visitor sagely replied "you can't do that, unless you live in Chicago."

Read, as they say, the whole thing here.

Sunday Morning Wrap-Up

It's been a strange & eventful week in southcentral Alaska.

Mt. Redoubt's eruption, yesterday, dumped one-quarter inch of the abrasive, corrosive ash on the southern Kenai Peninsula. Sounds like Homer got the worst of it; that's only 125 miles south of Anchorage, as the eagle flies, although it's a five-hour drive.

There are 15 (or is it 16) candidates for Mayor, in Tuesday's election.

There are 22 candidates competing for 4 school board seats.

There's the strange case of the machete-murderer who's blaming E.T. for commanding him to carry out multiple killings and shootings.

The U.S. Department of Justice moved to dismiss its own charges against former Alaska senator Ted Stevens, although the judge has yet to rule on the motion. While it would be a vindication of "Uncle" Ted, it's too late to do anything about him losing his seat after 40 years, in a very close election.

A black bear has been chasing - and in at least one case, treeing - people in Far North Bicentennial Park, here in Anchorage. The local bear expert from the Dept of Fish and Game is looking for the critter, but hasn't seen it yet.

* * * * *

On to other things: we're just another day or so shy of reaching 14 hours between sunrise & sunset. It was just dark enough to make walking difficult, at 10:00 last night. We're still gaining well over five minutes per day of daylight, and of course it's light long before and after the "official" times. In summer, here, the sun never goes that far away - it dips just below the horizon for about 90 minutes, in June, but the skies never really get dark.

One of the bigger concerns here is that the tourist season is looking a bit shaky, this year. Many of the charter companies (fishing, flight-seeing, whale-watching, sightseeing) are offering prices at half-off to locals, just to drum up a bit of business.

The Daily Noise is reporting that cruise line revenue is down about 40 percent for Alaska. That's not good.

South-east and south-central Alaska rely on tourism for a very large part of their revenues, each year. The impact on smaller retail outfits - stores, artisans, art galleries, souvenir shops, fishing charters, etc - will be devastating.

Long-time readers of this little blog will remember that I used to manage several buildings, including a retail mall in downtown Anchorage. The mall specialized in Alaskan-made merchandise, with nearly 20 mom-and-pop shops. Without tourists, they will not survive.

Summer here is only about 100 days long, and those shops must make the bulk of their annual sales during that time. If not, they won't make it through the upcoming winter. That's just the way it is.

On the one hand, I'm glad now to be out of the tourist-related business, with all of its ups and downs. I do miss working downtown, with its coffee shops, restaurants, sidewalk vendors, buskers, and multitude of colorful characters. On the other, my new job is much more stable, and less prone to economy-related downturns.

* * * * *

That's about it, for today. If the volcano blows again, or anything else of interest happens ... I'll be back!

Real Questions Tourists Ask

These are real questions we've been asked by tourists. The answers are what we were tempted to say, but didn't.

Q. Will we see polar bears?
A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q. Do you know my cousin Bob in Fairbanks?
A. Sure. Everyone in Alaska knows everyone else.

Q. I didn't expect you to have sidewalks!
A. Yep. We have paved streets, telephones, and everything.

Q. Do you take American money?
A. How do you think we got the sidewalks and paved streets?

Q. Do you speak English?
A. Impeccably. Do you?

Q. What kind of clothes do you wear in the winter?
A. The warm kind.

Q. What do you do about those long, dark nights?
A. Turn on the lights.

Q. We saw that lovely little town of Nightmute in the movie "Insomnia." How long does it take to drive there?
A. You can't drive to Nightmute; access is by airplane only. Besides, the town in the movie was really in British Columbia.
Q. But they said it was in Alaska!
A. I'm sure Al Pacino is very sorry.

Q. How can we see the northern lights?
A. Be here in the winter-time, and remember to look up.

Q. Do I need an international voltage converter?
A. I don't know; which country are you headed for?

Q. Which way is north in Alaska?
A. Same way as everywhere else.

Q. We want to drive over to Juneau.
A. It's 600 miles by sea.
Q. Well, how long will it take?
A. Did your parents have any children that lived?

Q. Where do you get all this wonderful daylight?
A. Sunlight 'R' Us; ask for the bulk rate. And tell them Nanook sent you.