THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!!!
We Must Stop This Immediately!
Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? Groceries are heavier. And everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection - well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the motorway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labelling a size 34 waistband as a 38 or 40? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually 'believe' the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!
All I can do is to pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!!!
Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!
P.S. I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were.
~~ h/t AJD Shootist
Psalm 22:27-28: “All the ends of the world shall remember and turn to the Lord, and all the kindreds of the nations shall worship before thee. For the kingdom is the Lord's, and he ruleth among the nations.”
8 comments:
Hehehe
We had a neighbor whose wife was an excellent cook. So much so, he found he needed a new and longer belt.
He said he wore a 36 but the 38 felt so comfortable, he bought a 40.
Your post is a good way to start an otherwise mundane Tuesday!
Absolutely hilarious.
Hope ya don't mind that I am forwarding this to my dad... I think he would agree.
What??? What's that you say??? We're under a sack? What kind of sack? I can't warn people if I don't know what they should look for! Speak up!
Is it paper or plastic or even one of those cloth sacks the hippies bring to the stores?
...
Oh you said "attack"...
never mind.
Thank you, Rosanne Rosannadanna.
EH? Could you type that a little louder there, sonny?
Hilarious, yet freakishly true. I'm not even that old (25) and I swear today's high schoolers look like pre-teens. And, while I'm a huge texter, what's up with texting so much that you ignore the world around you? Ok. I have more but I'm done venting. Great posts as always.
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