05 September 2014

Bonus Installment: Unalaska Police Blotter

Liquor Law Violation - Officers investigating a loud noise that had scared some children found an inebriated, underage, shirtless man outside the neighboring residence. The inebriate was upset about having been kicked out of a party to which he had not been invited, and had slammed his arms against the children's home.

Welfare Check - Caller reported seeing a shoeless man with what appeared to be vomit dribbling down his chin wandering aimlessly along the roadway. Officers found an inebriated man matching this description. The man told officers he had arrived at his destination by osmosis, but refused to provide any other information except the name of the place he wished to go. A taxi was called for him.

Suspicious Person/Activity - Drunken caller reported that his drunken brother was standing guard at the door to their residence, outside of which someone was allegedly standing. Officers responded and found no indication whatsoever that anyone had attempted to enter the home. The drunks were advised to go to bed.

Assault - Drunken caller reported his drunken brother just attacked him with a walker. Officers attempted to obtain more information from the two drunks but learned primarily that they no longer remembered how much they had had to drink. The drunks were advised, again, to just get along.

Domestic Disturbance - A drunken female tenant reported her current boyfriend was lying on top of her and being verbally abusive. Officers responded and found, surprisingly, that neither of the woman's statements was accurate. Officers determined no crime had been committed and applauded the boyfriend's decision to depart the area.

Welfare Check - Officers responded to the residence of dipsomaniac siblings regarding an alleged assault, and found the brothers too inebriated to be able to explain what did or did not ensue in their home. Neither brother was injured and both were advised that future such calls could result in one of them being jailed.

Domestic Disturbance - Officers responded to another household of dipsomaniacs, wherein one drunken male landlord was upset about the way his inebriated female tenant kept the common areas of the house. The two residents and the woman's guest continued to yell at one another from behind closed doors but indicated that their dispute was no more than verbal.


Vicki said...

Thank you for the occasional reminder that my decision to stop drinking some 25 years ago was probably one of the better decisions made in my lifetime. :-)

Rev. Paul said...

Just a public service from all us sober folks, way up north. You're welcome. :)

ProudHillbilly said...

...attacked him with a walker... Well, that's different.

Rev. Paul said...

PH - and yet there's no hue-and-cry for a walker waiting period. :)