It's Hump Day, So It's Blotter Time

Traffic Crime
Caller reported a driver was speeding excessively. An officer responded but found neither excessive nor reasonable speeders in the area.

Animal
An exasperated, exhausted immature eagle which had entrapped itself inside a crab pot was able to fly to safety after an officer climbed a stack of crab pots and cut a raptor-sized hole in the netting.

MVA Damage
A man departing the Unalaska Post Office backed straight into the only other vehicle in the entire parking lot, a marked police car. The police car ... received only minor damage. The driver was unable to explain how he had missed seeing the patrol car.

Theft
A vehicle, reported stolen, was located several hundred yards from where the driver had left it. No damages were reported and the driver, who had left the keys in the ignition, did not wish to pursue the matter.

Drunk Disturbance
An attempt to stop an intoxicated man from walking home in inclement weather turned into a brawl when the inebriate tried to escape the clutches of his would-be savior. Injuries to the two were minor. No charges were filed.

Assistance Rendered
A man who had gone to the landfill to take pictures found himself locked in when he attempted to leave shortly after closing time. A responsible party was notified of the problem.

Welfare Check / Ambulance Request / Assistance Rendered
Besotted brother phoned to say his equally soused sibling needed help crawling into bed. A public-sitting officer complied with the request.
   [Later,] EMS personnel provided care and transport for the soused sibling who had fallen out of bed and dislocated his shoulder.
   [Later still,] Clinic personnel asked an officer to retrieve clothing for the soused sibling since the besotted brother was too drunk to bring the clothes himself.

DUI
Officers discovered a vehicle had apparently driven straight off the road and on top of a fire hydrant. Evidence and witness statements led the officers to the home of [a man], 41 yoa, of Unalaska. [He] admitted to having been drinking before the accident, and was subsequently arrested for Driving under the Influence.