Police Blotter: Too Dumb to Breathe Edition

MVA Damage
A driver, braking after bouncing across washboards on Summer Bay Road, slid off the roadway and rolled down the embankment to the beach. Neither the driver nor passenger suffered serious injuries. There was no indication of impairment.

 And you thought YOUR roads were bad!

Liquor Law Violation
Doorman reported a possibly underage person using a fake ID to enter the bar. Officers found that the suspect was in fact of age, but had used someone else’s ID when he discovered he did not have his own. The young man was warned that he could be charged for said behavior.

So the legal guy used an ID from an underage friend ... how dumb can you get and still breathe?

Disorderly Conduct
Officers responded to a bar regarding a complaint about a vulgar and disruptive patron. The patron, who said he simply wanted to enjoy his birthday, was reminded that the bar is private property and that he could be asked to leave.

Theft
Taxi driver reported that a passenger had fled from her taxi into a bunkhouse, without paying his fare. The driver told police she didn’t want to press charges if he paid, and she didn’t want to press charges if he didn’t. The suspect was not identified or located.

Harassment
Woman reported having received two harassing text messages from a local cell number, which she believed was being used as a front for her ex-husband. She also reported that he was behaving scandalously at local bars and restaurants.

DUI
Bar staff reported an intoxicated man was first, attempting to drive away from the bar and second, attempting to re-enter the bar though he had been asked to leave. Responding officers discovered that [a man], 47 yoa, had backed from his parking space and had stopped when told that police had been called. [The man], who admitted to consuming alcohol, failed field sobriety tests and was arrested for Driving Under the Influence.

Traffic Crime
[A young man], 18 yoa, was charged with No Valid Operators Permit after an officer observed him doing a poor job of parking in front of a bar. [He] told the officer he was the designated driver for the night, but admitted he did not actually have a license to drive.

Ladies and gentlemen, another candidate for "too dumb to breathe".

Welfare Check
Mother called, asking that officers check on her daughter, who had just phoned asking mother to call police. Officers checked on the daughter, who said she had called police because she had been concerned about her mother, but she was no longer concerned because she’d just talked to her. Alcohol was a factor.

Suspicious Person/Activity
Driver reported someone driving without headlights had swerved into her lane and then executed an abrupt U-turn. Officers issued a warning to the suspect driver, who said he was having a hard time finding the road to a friend’s residence.

Gee, maybe if he turned on his lights ..? Candidate number 3!