22 February 2016

A Day in the Life

of a building and facilities manager:
  • A motion-activated paper towel dispenser decided to discharge an entire roll of paper - all at once. All 365 feet of it, in the floor. Made quite a pile.
  • A power-operated ladies' room door decided it doesn't have to close, so it stays half-way open. The ladies aren't happy about it. Go figure.
  • Some lights are out in an exam room.
  • One of the operating rooms in the surgery center is too warm. Another is too cold. That means it's a weekday.
  • Someone spilled their coffee in the stairwell. Did they report it, you ask? Bwaahahahahahahahaha! [inhale] Hahahahahahahahaha!
  • Someone spilled their extra-large latte' on the mezzanine. Of course it's carpeted; why do you ask?
  • Sumdood had a fit of projectile vomiting in the second-floor hallway. For 120 feet. And all over the inside of the men's room: sink, floor, and commode.
  • Some lights are out in a third-floor office.
  • A delicate flower in the billing department is chilly, and wants us to turn up the heat. Never mind the other 35 people who are perfectly comfortable.
  • Some cars (usually less than three) are parked crooked in the parking lot. The snow-and-ice covered parking lot. The one where lines aren't visible. Yes, that lot.
  • An office manager wants us to turn on the parking lot lights earlier in the afternoon because she likes to park in an unlit corner. How early? Oh, before sunset, when it's still light outside. Got it.
  • One or more stalls in one or more ladies' rooms are out of TP. Again. 
  • A different delicate flower wants every third bulb removed from all the light fixtures in her office, because the OSHA-mandated lighting level hurts her eyes. 

I need a vacation.


ProudHillbilly said...

OK, the first one made me laugh out loud.

Rev. Paul said...

PH - it made a small mountain of paper, about four feet high, and four feet in diameter.

Ed Bonderenka said...

Who ya gonna call?

Rev. Paul said...

Ed - even Venkman couldn't do it by himself. It's just me & a janitor, unless I call a contractor.

drjim said...

Dealing with the public is just so much fun!

Rev. Paul said...

Jim - the scary part is, these are mostly tenants I'm talking about.

drjim said...

I came very close to buying the building I lived in before I met my wife-to-be.

Two things convinced me it was a Bad Idea.

First, two of the family members (it was an estate sale) were holding out for almost double what the building was worth per my appraisal expert on commercial properties.

Second, my tax guy, who also owns several rental properties, told me enough horror stories about tenants to turn my hair white.

No thanks, I'm not cut out to be an owner/landlord!

Rev. Paul said...

Commercial tenants are not as bad as the residential type - you can trust me, I've had both. And I don't own the place, which is probably just as well.

ProudHillbilly said...

When Perry was still a wee kitten and I hadn't figured out that I needed to keep bathroom doors shut he merrily unrolled a full roll of toilet paper...

Rev. Paul said...

PH, that's plenty frustrating, right there.

Old NFO said...

Oh man, NOT fun... I don't envy you ANY of those...

Rev. Paul said...

Look at it this way, NFO: it keeps me off the streets. :)

drjim said...

And your wife always knows where you are!

Guffaw in AZ said...

"I need a vacation!" made me think of Schwarzenegger!

Turn out all the lights.
Eliminate TP as an unnecessary expense.
Remove all restroom doors.
Put ipecac in all the water - saves the task of determining who hurled.
Return home, turn off your phone and lock your door.
Close eyes.


Rev. Paul said...

Jim, that's true. ;)

Guffaw, that would be the end of it, at least until the summons arrives. Then it's lawyers, and court, and large fines, and ... Never mind.