Did I Read That Right?

Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN 

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD 

Outside a second hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say? 

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter Seems unlikely, doesn't it?

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Really? Ya think? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that's taking things a bit far! -----------------------------------------------------------

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy! ---------------------------------------------------------------

Miners Refuse to Work after Death Good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's! ------------------------------------------------------

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant See if that works any better than a fair trial! ----------------------------------------------------------

War Dims Hope for Peace I can see where it might have that effect! ----------------------------------------------------------------

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Ya think?! -----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Who would have thought! ----------------------------------------------------------------

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide They may be onto something! ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? ----------------------------------------------------------

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge He probably IS the battery charge! ----------------------------------------------

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren't they fat enough?! -----------------------------------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That's what he gets for eating those beans! ---------------- ---------------------------------

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Do they taste like chicken? ****************************************

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Chainsaw Massacre all over again! ***************************************************

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Boy, are they tall! ******************************************* And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right?