26 March 2016

Did I Read That Right?


Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
 
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
 
Outside a second hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say? 

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter Seems unlikely, doesn't it?
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Really? Ya think? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that's taking things a bit far! -----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy! ---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death Good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's! ------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant See if that works any better than a fair trial! ----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace I can see where it might have that effect! ----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Ya think?! -----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Who would have thought! ----------------------------------------------------------------
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide They may be onto something! ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? ----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge He probably IS the battery charge! ----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?! -----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That's what he gets for eating those beans! ---------------- ---------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Do they taste like chicken? ****************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Chainsaw Massacre all over again! ***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Boy, are they tall! ******************************************* And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right?

8 comments:

Chickenmom said...

Thanks for the giggles! :o)

Rev. Paul said...

My pleasure, ma'am. :)

Ed Bonderenka said...

I'm trying to write a funny comment.
All the funny got consumed by your post, though.

Rev. Paul said...

I understand, Ed. I didn't have anything at all, until I received all this from a friend in Florida. :) Glad you liked it.

drjim said...

File these under "You Can't Make This Stuff Up"!

Rev. Paul said...

That would be appropriate, Jim. :)

ProudHillbilly said...

Giggle snort!

Rev. Paul said...

:^)