Since tourist season will soon be upon us, here are some real questions my wife and I have personally been asked by tourists. Except where noted, the answers are what we
wanted to say, but didn't.
Q. Will we see polar bears in Anchorage?
A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q. Do you know my cousin Bob in Fairbanks?
A. Sure. Everyone in Alaska knows everyone else.
Q. I didn't expect you to have sidewalks!
A. Yep. We have paved streets, telephones, and running water, too.
Q. Do you take American money?
A. How do you think we got the sidewalks and paved streets?
Q. Do you speak English?
A. Impeccably. Do you?
Q. What kind of clothes do you wear in the winter?
A. The warm kind.
Q. What do you do about those long, dark nights?
A. Turn on the lights.
Q. We saw that lovely little town of Nightmute in the movie "Insomnia." How long does it take to drive there?
A. (My real answer) You can't drive to Nightmute; access is by airplane only. Besides, the town in the movie is really in British Columbia.
Q. But they said it was Alaska!
A. I'm sure Al Pacino is very sorry.
Q. How can we see the northern lights?
A. Be here in the winter-time, and remember to look up.
Q. Do I need an international voltage converter?
A. I don't know; which country are you headed for?
Q. Which way is north in Alaska?
A. Same way as everywhere else.
Q. We want to drive over to Juneau.
A. (Real answer) It's 650 miles from here, and only accessible by air or sea.
Q. But how long would it take to get there, if we want to drive?
A. Did your parents have any children that lived?
Q. Where do you get all this wonderful daylight?
A. Sunlight 'R' Us; ask for the bulk rate. And tell them Nanook sent you.
11 comments:
Hahahaha! And you take Canadian money, too. Or is that not so much any more?
Great post.
We don't take Canadian paper money. Every once in awhile a few coins show up. Thanks. :)
Note to self: Visit Alaska, look up Paul, ask silly questions, get featured on his blog.
Can you see Russia from your house?
Steve, despite the assurance of that noted Alaskan expert Tina Fey, Russia is only visible from St. Paul Island, off the west coast of Alaska. But nice try. :)
So can I drive there?
I'll stop now. :)
Living proof that there really is no cure for stupid. :)
Sure. But you'll get a flood engine... ba-dump bump.
Vicki, let's just say that some of them live down to the lowest common denominator. :)
Good luck, Reverend. We appreciate your service.
So you running a tourist service now?
Ed - that's a good question. We spent our first five years here working in the tourism industry (hotel & retail) downtown, before moving on to other things. Anyone who works in the tourists' shopping district hears these questions daily. :)
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