Pun Day, Fun Day

          I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.  It's all about raisin                           awareness.

I've also started investing in stocks: beef, vegetable, chicken.  One
day I hope to be a bouillianaire.


If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock.  Now that's humerus.

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.  Now I have Heinzsight.


Did you know muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you take
them out of the oven?


I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling
jokes.  I turned to a local tribal leader and said, "That lizard is
really funny!"
He replied, "That's not a lizard.  He's a stand-up chameleon."


I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork.  I thought I
nailed it but nobody saw it.
 

Singing in the shower is fine until you get soap in your mouth.  Then
it's a soap opera.


The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song but the chick peas can only hummus one.


Then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court... it
was a brief case.   

How much does a chimney cost?  Nothing, it's on the house.


My friend said she wouldn't eat cow's tongue because it came out of a
cow's mouth.  So I gave her an egg.

Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall.  He was
a terrible King but he made a great ruler. 

I ran out of toilet paper, so now I’m using lettuce leaves.  Today was
just the tip of the iceberg, and tomorrow romaines to be seen.
 

My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables.  That's
right...Jack and the beans talk.

 

I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants.  You probably have not heard of herbivore.

I was struggling to understand how lightning works and then it struck me.
 

Six cows were smoking joints and playing poker.  That's right.  The
steaks were pretty high.
 

I went to the paint store to get thinner.  It didn't work.
 

I once dated a girl who broke up with me because I only have 9 toes.
Yes, she was lack toes intolerant.