Brilliant!

Look closely at the picture first and then read the story:

    

 

 

This actually happened to an Englishman, visiting France, who was totally drunk. Hammered. Three sheets to the veritable wind. Et cetera...

 

A French policeman stops the Englishman's car and asks if he has been drinking.

 

With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married that morning, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception. Not to mention many single malt scotches thereafter.

 

Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to breath test the Englishman and verifies that he is indeed completely hammered.

 

He asks the Englishman if he knows why, under French law, he is going to be arrested.

The Englishman answers with that famous British straight face, "No sir, I do not. But while we're asking questions, do you realize that this is a British car, and that my wife is driving on the other side?"

h/t Tom S.

From the Mil e-Mail Files

Sailors on surface warships and submariners, skulking about down below, have a long-standing rivalry. It's usually good-natured. We make fun of them, they make fun of us.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Then there's this, from a shipmate who served first on my destroyer, and then departed for submarines.

Heh.

And Now For Something Completely Different

The news is bleak and depressing, so let's do this instead:

h/t Dana

In local news, it's -3° F. with light snow this morning. For those who protest each winter when I use "snow" and "sub-zero temp" in the same sentence ... yes, it CAN snow when it's really cold. Don't tell me about how that can't happen where you are.

I'm not where you are. Here, we have our own climate, and it's different from yours. Get over it, and move on. I say this not in anger, but with some degree of exasperation. Every. Winter. Really?

Sigh ...

So.

The snowflakes get smaller, but they keep on coming down. Right now, it's like the skies are sifting a light coating of flour on everything. It's powdery, and can be blown off of the cars with a puff of air. But it's still snow.

AccuHunch promises we'll have warmer temps and snow moving in, tonight or tomorrow. Could be several inches, with temps in the 20s. After several days of this cold air, that'll feel pretty warm.

Zen Teachings

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just buzz off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet..

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

8. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

9. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

10. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

11. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

12. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

13. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.

14. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

15. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

16. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

17. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

18. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our behinds .... then things just keep getting worse.

19. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

h/t Sandi-with-an-i

Breaking News: NFL

The Washington Redskins today announced they would, indeed, succumb to the pressure to make a name change.

According to a press release, they're dropping the word "Washington" from their team title because, as a spokesman said, "It's embarrassing."

Meanwhile, in Liberal Fantasy Land ...

Pity it doesn't work that way. Until it does, I will be armed.