He Grabbed the Wrong One

Assault -- A drunk at the Harbor View Bar grabbed the buttocks of a man he mistook for someone else and when the butt-grabber offered to make amends by buying the grabbee a drink, the grabbee insisted he instead be paid $20 for the offense. A third person, attempting to intervene in the ensuing argument, was struck by the grabbee in the face and received a broken nose for his trouble. The third person pushed the grabbee to the ground, whereupon [the grabbee] began banging his head on a parking lot stop block in order to obtain some injuries to show police. No charges were filed.

Ambulance Request -- EMS personnel provided medical care and transport for a drunk who had flung his head against a parking lot stop block after being knocked to the ground by a man whose nose he had just broken.

Truly, life is stranger than fiction ... although this does sound like an episode of My Name Is Earl.