You Know You're From Alaska When ...

·         You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Moosetard*.

·         The mosquitoes have landing lights.

·         You have more miles on your snowblower than your car. 

·         You have 10 favorite recipes for moose ... and halibut ... and salmon.

·         The hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

·         You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

·         Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.

·         You think everyone from the States has an accent.

·         You think sexy lingerie is fleece socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

·         You owe more money on your snowmachine than your car.

·         The local paper covers national and international headlines on a page, but requires six pages for high school sports.

·         At least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

·         The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

·         Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.

·         You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.

·         You head south to go to your cabin.

·         You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

·         The mayor greets you on the street by your first name.

·         There is only one shopping plaza in town.

·         The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
·         The newspaper more often has pictures of bears or moose on the cover page, than stories about breaking news.

·         The major parish fundraiser isn't bingo--its sausage making.

·         You find -40F chilly.

·         It's 70 degrees outside and you're sweating like a hog.

·         The fishing report is the highlight you're waiting for on the evening news.

·         Wildlife isn't a photo op, just a traffic nuisance.

·         "It's a small state" comes up in a conversation about mutual acquaintances.

·         Monday's morning conversation is more about what you caught, shot or gathered over the weekend.

·         You know what day you're allowed to put on studded tires for the winter.

·         The local news matters more than any national story, because you are ALWAYS directly affected.

·         On October 1st, you enter the office pool to guess the date of the first blizzard.

·         Personal freedom means the opportunity to go fishing on a Tuesday rather than wait for the weekend.

·         Carharrts are the standard against which you weigh all other winter clothing choices.

·         Personal freedom means carrying a gun whenever and wherever you want, no permit needed. 

·         A traffic jam is 12 cars trying to pass a snowplow. (Just thought I'd toss those in there.)

* FTC Disclaimer: Moosetard is an Alaskan product which I'm happy to mention here, as I bought some and enjoyed it. They haven't given me anything, so take off, hosers.