11 February 2015

It's Hump Day; You Know What That Means?

Police blotter time!

Drunk Disturbance ~ A trio of drunks took turns pushing one another and exchanging derogatory comments in front of the Harbor View Bar. The trio tottered off to separate taxis after officers arrived.

Assault ~ An inebriated man approached a quartet of bar patrons and began antagonizing them. His bellicose proposals were interrupted when an unidentified fifth man struck him in the face before fleeing the area. No charges were filed.

Public Safety ~ Caller reported children trying to start a fire underneath a pirate ship beached in a local park. Officers responded and found burnt paper napkins but no pyromaniacs underneath the ship.

Public Safety ~ An inmate who had so far failed to make bail on earlier charges faked a seizure and manhandled a Corrections officer in order to flee his cell, but his attempt to escape from the jail was stymied when the secret code he claimed had been written on his jail-issued slippers did not open the door to the great outdoors. Alas, [he] remained in jail with an additional charge of Attempted Escape.

Welfare Check ~ A heartbroken teen shared his angst with his ex, an act which resulted in a call to police out of fear the youth might act on his expressed desire to kill himself, his ex and her new boyfriend. Officers determined the youth's manifesto was simply melodramatic rather than murderous.

Welfare Check ~ An officer checked on an intoxicated man who had made several inconsistent declarations about people in his room, and found the man alone and in good health, the effects of alcohol notwithstanding.

Theft ~ Owner of a local business reported that an individual had asked to see a $70 necklace from display case. The patron grabbed the necklace and attempted to flee the store. The Darwin Award nominee was unable to operate the front door which he pushed when it required that he pull. The clodpoll returned the necklace and apologized. The business owner declined to pursue charges,

MVA Damage ~ A driver turned left across a roadway, and struck the side of a passing vehicle which he had somehow failed to notice was between him and the parking lot he wished to enter. The driver was cited for Failure to Yield.

Drunk Disturbance ~ Officers spoke with a drunken, disruptive fisherman, who conveniently lay down on the deck with his hands behind his back upon officers' arrival, and convinced him it was in his best interests to simply go to his room rather than continue disturbing his fellow crewmates.


Murphy's Law said...

OK, the Theft report is going to have me giggling all day.

Rev. Paul said...

Then my job here is done. :)

Chickenmom said...

Pirate ships and honest thieves! :o)

Rev. Paul said...

We try to have a well-rounded line-up for you, Chickenmom.

Sandy said...

Rev. Paul,

Who ever writes this police blotter has a real sense of humor.

I know what day Wednesday is......it's the day we look for Mike.

Rev. Paul said...

Sandy, the Blotter is written by Sergeant Jennifer Shockley.

And if you'd like to file a missing person report on Mike, I'll look up their number. :)