Police Blotter: Oldsters & Fish Guts

Domestic Disturbance
Officers responded to the home of the extremely inebriated woman, who now demanded that her sons be removed from the residence because they don’t pay rent and she’s sick of them. Officers declined to remove the young men and suggested she pursue civil recourse in court.

Assistance Rendered
Officers responded to the home of an extremely inebriated woman whose bacchanalian revelries had ended with demands that her good friend be removed from the residence. The boozer hurled invective as her good friend left.

Theft
Another extremely intoxicated person, this one male, attempted to persuade police that he had been forced from his pickup by three police or USCG officers who then fled in his vehicle. The inebriate was unable to remember anything else that happened in the preceding 24 hours except that he had been drinking. Officers later determined the vehicle in question had never been in his possession and had not, in fact, been stolen by renegades with short hair.

Assault
Officer responded to a local seafood processing facility at which two senior citizens had allegedly been fighting with one another. Investigation revealed that the two oldsters had been smearing fish guts in one another’s face due to some long-standing enmity.

Domestic Disturbance
Officers responded to a residence at which a mother was clearly out-screaming her son, and ensured that the son had shoes and a jacket before she locked him out of the house. 

Disorderly Conduct
Officer responded to a processing vessel regarding an alleged trespasser, and found that previously terminated employee who had returned to get his final paycheck was taking advantage of the opportunity to mouth off at some of his former coworkers. The officer advised the man to leave and not return, or else risk arrest. Minutes later, an officer was called back to the processing vessel because the terminated employee had returned to demonstrate more clearly why he no longer had a job. He had fled by the time the officer returned.