John 12:24 "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit."
Showing posts with label Alaska humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alaska humor. Show all posts
29 February 2020
06 February 2020
Enough of That Impeachment Nonsense
Let's wash our brains out with these, shall we?
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| This should resonate with a reader or two. :^) |
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| Alaskan humor? |
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03 December 2019
26 February 2019
15 January 2019
A Blast From the Past
Unalaska Police Blotter: "Never mind."
Welfare Check
Officers responded three times to a residence where an intoxicated occupant repeatedly called the police for assistance with unspecified problems, and then insisted that they leave once they arrived on scene. No criminal activity was observed.
Theft
An intoxicated caller reported a possible theft. The caller was unable to articulate why she thought there was a theft and hung up the phone.
Assistance Rendered
Caller reported being attacked by swooping eagles. She was afraid to move for fear of injury. Officers responded to assist. As the officers arrived, the sun set. The eagles seemed to lose interest in the caller once it was dark. She was able to continue walking down the hill unmolested by her feathered attackers.
Sportfishing
Caller reported individuals “dip-netting” in the “Church Hole.” Officers responded and found that two German tourists were filming the salmon underwater using GoPros on a pole.
Traffic/Roads
Officers investigated a possible oversized trailer. The trailer was under water when an officer arrived on scene and its dimensions could not be immediately ascertained.
Suspicious Person/Activity
Officer investigated some blinking lights on a piece of heavy equipment. Nothing was found to be amiss.
Animals
Caller reported that someone was feeding the eagles causing a hazard as one of the eagles had flown into her truck. Officers investigated and discovered that the eagles were not being fed but were congregating, as eagles are known to do.
Ambulance Request
When Sgt. Jennifer Shockley (now the Deputy Chief) heads out on patrol each day, she's got the police blotter on her mind. Her goal is to paint a detailed picture of the town's often ridiculous crimes.
"I can only imagine that someone who's never been here would think that this is some kind of Twilight Zone town where every form of human oddity and absurdity exists all at once — exacerbated by alcohol," she says."
Welfare Check
Officers responded three times to a residence where an intoxicated occupant repeatedly called the police for assistance with unspecified problems, and then insisted that they leave once they arrived on scene. No criminal activity was observed.
Theft
An intoxicated caller reported a possible theft. The caller was unable to articulate why she thought there was a theft and hung up the phone.
Assistance Rendered
Caller reported being attacked by swooping eagles. She was afraid to move for fear of injury. Officers responded to assist. As the officers arrived, the sun set. The eagles seemed to lose interest in the caller once it was dark. She was able to continue walking down the hill unmolested by her feathered attackers.
Sportfishing
Caller reported individuals “dip-netting” in the “Church Hole.” Officers responded and found that two German tourists were filming the salmon underwater using GoPros on a pole.
Traffic/Roads
Officers investigated a possible oversized trailer. The trailer was under water when an officer arrived on scene and its dimensions could not be immediately ascertained.
Suspicious Person/Activity
Officer investigated some blinking lights on a piece of heavy equipment. Nothing was found to be amiss.
Animals
Caller reported that someone was feeding the eagles causing a hazard as one of the eagles had flown into her truck. Officers investigated and discovered that the eagles were not being fed but were congregating, as eagles are known to do.
Ambulance Request
EMS personnel provided care and transport for a man who had been struck in the back with a 35-kg block of frozen fish.
Animal
Barking dog complaint. An officer responded to the residence at which the barking dogs allegedly live, and found the two dogs there were the only dogs in the neighborhood that were not barking.
Assistance Rendered
An officer responded to the PCR regarding a report of smoke emanating from the building. The officer determined that the smoke was coming from a chimney in the Burma Road Chapel.
Assistance Rendered
An officer responded to the PCR regarding a report of smoke emanating from the building. The officer again determined that the smoke was coming from a chimney in the Burma Road Chapel.
Animal
Two police officers and the ACO chased a small vulpine dog that was frolicking in traffic, from East Broadway to Dutton to Jack London Drive, where it eventually fled to the confines of its own home. The owner was cited.
Suspicious Person/Activity
Drunken caller in Florida reported that her husband, in Unalaska, had threatened to kill her. She reported as well that her husband had tried to hit her 19 years earlier, but had instead hit their daughter. An officer asked the woman to phone with more information when she is sober.
For those among you who haven't seen this info before:
Small Town's Police Blotter Is A Riot
In one Alaskan fishing village, crime is a laughing matter. It's not the crimes that have residents chuckling so much as how they're written about. The Unalaska crime report is full of eagle aggression and intimate encounters gone awry in the Aleutian Islands. |
| Sgt. Shockley, Dutch Harbor Police Dept. |
"I can only imagine that someone who's never been here would think that this is some kind of Twilight Zone town where every form of human oddity and absurdity exists all at once — exacerbated by alcohol," she says."
04 September 2018
04 March 2018
14 February 2017
19 September 2016
Because All Politics and No Play
makes us all a bit nuts, here's something with which to wash out your mind:
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| click to embiggificate |
01 August 2015
15 June 2015
01 May 2015
Our Ride Home
I have just a moment for this, so I present to you our ride home from Hawaii ... ladies and gentlemen,
Alaska Airline's latest:
Don't blame me; it's their joke. :)
Alaska Airline's latest:
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| The Boeing Salmon-Thirty-Salmon |
12 December 2014
But It's So Pretty!
From the Unalaska Police Blotter:
Gotta love those folks! :)
A woman who saw a pretty green traffic cone and filched it because she was enamored of its bright fluorescent color was contacted by officers and ordered to return the cone to its rightful owner. The victim attempted to placate the thief by offering her an orange traffic cone instead. She refused, though she readily accepted the pretty green cone when he relented and offered to let her keep it.
Gotta love those folks! :)
17 October 2014
Friday ... At Last
It's been a busy week here in Lake Woebegone Anchorage. You've probably noticed I haven't written much, choosing instead to post news stories and the occasional funny picture.
Sorry 'bout that, but stuff happens.
There's plenty of purely local news, but not much that would interest anyone Outside. Police found the body of a woman missing for a month ... there've been 24 shootings in the northern third of Anchorage this year, but very few farther south ... this political group isn't fond of that one ... and so on.
Like I said, nothing that would fascinate a reader in Des Moines, or wherever.
I've been busy, and there's lots of activity at work. Routine things, really, but a lot happening at once.
* * * * *
But since it's Friday, here are a few funny/strange/weird laws from around Alaska:
Sorry 'bout that, but stuff happens.
There's plenty of purely local news, but not much that would interest anyone Outside. Police found the body of a woman missing for a month ... there've been 24 shootings in the northern third of Anchorage this year, but very few farther south ... this political group isn't fond of that one ... and so on.
Like I said, nothing that would fascinate a reader in Des Moines, or wherever.
I've been busy, and there's lots of activity at work. Routine things, really, but a lot happening at once.
* * * * *
But since it's Friday, here are a few funny/strange/weird laws from around Alaska:
- While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited. (state law)
- Persons may not live in a trailer as it is being hauled across the city. (Anchorage)
- It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose. (Fairbanks)
- Employers of bars may not let their bartenders serve while they are drunk themselves. (Haines)
- Owners of flamingos may not let their pet into barber shops. (Juneau)
- For all you would-be pranksters out there, it is illegal to string a wire across any road. (Anchorage)
05 October 2013
24 July 2013
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