Darth Santa

The holidays have never known the power of the dark side ... until now.  :)

How To Truly Scare the Kids for Halloween

Monday Humor

Got nuthin', you see, so here's a blast from the past:



Only once, he says. I wonder if he took Elvis along for the ride...







"The duck refused ..."? (bangs head on keyboard)
















No need to put on airs, you see.















With brainpower like that on display, I wonder why they were bought out?









Well, since it's on sale...











h/t AJDShootist

Deep Thinking

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then - just to loosen up and be a part of the crowd. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another and soon I was more than just a  social thinker. I began to  think alone ("to relax," I told myself ) but I knew it wasn't true.  Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home.  One evening I turned off the TV  and asked my wife about the meaning of life.  She spent that  night at her mother's.


I began to  think on the job.  I knew that thinking and employment don't mix,  but I couldn't help myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius, Camus and Kafka.  I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly that we are doing here?"


One day the  boss called me in.  He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem.  If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a  lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking ..."


"I know you've  been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"  

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious," I replied.

"It is serious," she said, her lower lip a-quiver. "You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any  money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"


"That's a  fallacious syllogism," I explained impatiently.


She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some John Locke.  I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass  doors.


They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.


Leaning on the unfeeling glass and whimpering for Emerson, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

You probably recognize that line.  It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.


Now I never miss a TA meeting.  At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.


I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.  Life just seemed  easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking; I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

              --------------

Today I took  the final step: I joined the Democratic Party.

It's the Thought That Counts

This reminds me of Terry Prachett ...

click to enlarge

Saturday Funny

By Request

A re-post, by special request:

A Fairy Tale for Single Guys

 
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess "Will you marry me?"
The Princess said "NO!"

So the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up .

The End



h/t Dana

4th Dimension Problem

Charming. Just Charming.

First task of each workday is to open the mail, and process bills/payments. That involves scanning & e-mailing the invoices to the bookkeeper.

When that task expands to include "get out the toolbox, disassemble the sheet-feeder and remove documents", you know it's going to be one of those days.

Sigh ...

It's Not Just Older Folks

Miss 15 just ran an errand, going downstairs to retrieve the house phone, and her chapstick. She came back with the phone and a comb.

"You know, that's the sort of thing that you young'uns laugh at us older folks about," I said.

"Um ... oops?"